I'm Back from my Trip

Well, I'm back. And I'm still abstinent. I went back home for a week. I was so worried that I would be tempted by all the (junk) food in my mom's house. She has no food issues so she is oblivious to all this. But all my worries were for nothing. I came back at the same weight that I left. I lived by the motto that I learned in OA:

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail."

I brought food on the plane, I had my mom stock up on my abstinent fruits and vegetables and we went food shopping the next day for some additional items. I went out to dinner several times and ate moderately. In the evening after my mom had gone to bed, I went for my daily walk. So instead of feeling stuck in suburbia late at night with the TV and a bag of chips (my mom now lives in suburban New Jersey), I went out for a long walk and made one or two outreach calls while walking. It was great!

However, now that I'm back, I feel that I am getting "sloppy" in my abstinence. I don't know if that is the reason I've stopped losing weight or if it is because I've reached my ideal weight. I'm 5'8" and I currently weigh between 141 and 143 pounds. That's certainly OK. Is it ideal? I don't know. And I have such a lousy perception of my own body that no matter what I weigh, I always think I should weigh less. Grrrrr......

At my Sunday night home group meting, we do chips. So, I decided to ask for a "commitment" chip. Even though I was still abstinent, I thought it was important to recommit and not fall into the "what can I get away with" mentality. So far, so good. I feel stronger in my program and in my abstinence.

I'll post again soon. I've been thinking about what I'm missing out on because I'm so afraid of the food around me. Let's share that.